You are currently viewing Why it’s Important to Talk about Sex
Our Love story memory on vintage Video tape

Why it’s Important to Talk about Sex

Anyone who works with me wants to improve and change their own and shared relationship and sex life. Of course it’s important to know how things are now, what’s good, what’s not or what’s missing. When it comes to sexuality, of course I also ask about personal sexual needs, habits, desires, cravings, excitability, dreams and more. Yes, of course it’s often a challenge to talk about sex, especially about your own, very personal sexuality, because that’s something different than talking about “sex” gurusex – porn videos.

When words fail

It hurts when people, some of whom have been living together for years and are trying to live their sexuality together, have never spoken honestly and openly about their sexual desires. When everyone does what he or she picked up at some point and somewhere or what one has always done? When responding to the questions “What do you think your partner enjoys the most?” or “Does your partner know what you want?” questioning looks, but no answers come. Sometimes it turns out that you’re already talking about it with your best friend or favorite pal – but do they sleep with us?

Why do we expect to know wordlessly during sex?

I admit, sometimes I’m a bit speechless because of the speechlessness in relationships. It seems that in our oh so enlightened world we are still stuck in heteronormative, encrusted patterns, expectations and images. Apparently, for many, especially women, it is still taboo to experience, develop, and try oneself as a lustful, sexual being. Especially when it’s a bit off the ‘norm’. But honestly, who really wants to know what “the norm” even is, and does the norm, and only the norm, excite us?

Sexual education, also for adults, would always be good. Why do we expect that “a man always wants to” and hopefully also can, that he naturally constantly desires a woman, that he knows without words what women really want at the moment? Why does sex mature videos have to have something to do with penetration? Why does sex end when it comes? Why do many people still believe that women can reach orgasm through intercourse alone? Why do we think that older and old people don’t want or can’t have sex anymore?

For some years now, at least in some biology books, the female genitals have finally been shown realistically and with the appropriate words vagina and vulva and the clitoris in their full size. Yes, that too will leave you speechless in 2022, but at least we are on our way.

Highly personal sexuality

I’m quite sure that each of us longs for highly personal sexuality that it is really about ourselves. And each other in our intimate encounters. Because that way we could enjoy very lively moments for ourselves and with each other. Regardless of whether everything is “normal” or not. Above all, if we sensed what we ourselves find exciting. And what we feel like and could invite each other into our worlds of needs. Can sexuality be joy and fun? Let’s leave the speechlessness behind. In the first step, it is wise to refrain from accusations about the past. It is much more effective to express wishes at the right moment. Kind words could really help with that.